


but baby (i've been here before)

by Ro29



Series: Whumptober 2019 [1]
Category: DCU, DCU (Comics), Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics)
Genre: Cravings, Gen, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Jason Todd is a good friend, Referenced death of Catherine Todd, Roy Harper is not having a good day but Jason stops him from falling off the wagon, no beta I die like the coward I am
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-10
Updated: 2019-10-10
Packaged: 2020-11-28 18:50:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20971340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ro29/pseuds/Ro29
Summary: Roy Harper is very, horribly human.Humans make mistakes. Sometimes humans make old mistakes new again.Jason Todd catches him.





	but baby (i've been here before)

**Author's Note:**

> Canon timeline is kinda merged....ish, think pre-52 Roy with Nu52 Outlaws lmao. 
> 
> Title is from 'Hallelujah' by Leonard Cohen
> 
> For the prompt 'Shaky Hands' for whumptober Day 1

There are ants under his skin.

He tries to pay attention to Kori and Jason but it’s hard when all he can think about is getting away from them and going somewhere to be alone.

He knew better than this, he had _kicked_ this, he shouldn’t still be this desperate for it.

The bottles are burning holes through his pockets, he can feel them burning against his side. He tries to focus back on the conversation.

The conversation feels like it’s going far longer than it should be and following it right now is so fucking hard and there’s this rage in his chest that he doesn’t know what to do with or what to aim it at and he _needs _to leave, right now.

“Roy.”

Roy turns, meets Jason’s eyes, and realizes belatedly that his jaw is clenched together.

Jason doesn’t have the helmet on right now, and he doesn’t say anything more for a second, eyebrow raised and arms folded. Kori is watching him with open worry and Roy can’t, he can’t think clearly.

It was just a clean up of a gang operation, that was all it had been. But one of the guys had had pills on him, had dropped them during their scuffle and Roy—he hadn’t thought about doing it, but at some point after he’d gotten rid of the guy and made his way out of the building, he’d picked them up, two bottles, and pocketed them.

He’d only realized, once he’d gotten onto the ship, just what he’d done.

Only realized once he’d wanted to sneak away and open them and just _slip away_ and he didn’t know why he wasn’t saying anything, why he wasn’t getting rid of them.

(_Once a junkie always a junkie isn’t that right Harper?)_

His mouth is dry and he wants to say something.

He clears his throat, opens his mouth, and what he means to say is ‘I’m a druggie again and I thought I kicked it but I guess I just can’t help myself because I have two bottles of narcotic pills and I don’t remember grabbing them but I did and I don’t know how to stop again.’

What he says is, “What? Do I got something on my face?”

He glares at them and shoves his equipment into it’s place.

Jason’s eyes lock onto his shaking hands and Roy feels something in him burn, from embarrassment or anger he isn’t sure.

Jason purses his lips and Kory bites her lip, “I think that I shall go rest, my friends. Take care.”

Roy doesn’t acknowledge her beyond a brief nod and Jason keeps his eyes locked onto Roy as he gives his recognition.

It’s silent.

“Don’t destroy yourself Roy,” Jason whispers. “you deserve better than that.”

Roy clenches his hands, “I’m no—”

“My mother—” Jason cuts him off, and Roy freezes, because they don’t do this, they don’t talk about Jason’s mother or a hundred other off limit topics, Jason’s voice wavers only the slightest before going carefully neutral, “My mom was a junkie. She shot up until she died from it and I can recognize cravings when I see them Roy.”

Roy stiffens and he doesn’t know how to react to that, he feels like he’s 20 again, stupid and scared and tired and angry and looking for another high.

Jason turns away from him, gives him time to breathe and pull himself together, find a way to respond. They stay like that for a while, Jason poking away at a tablet with rigid shoulders and stiff movements, Roy shaky and twitchy and making old mistakes.

He moves slowly, reaching into his pocket and grabbing the bottles out of it. He places them on the table, feeling light-headed and nauseous.

“I didn’t mean to grab them.”

Jason flicks his eyes up to him, “Okay.”

Roy doesn’t know what he wants Jason to say, what he wants to do, but he stays where he is for a little longer.

“How’d you know I wasn’t just panicking over something?”

Jason freezes, swallowing before he replies, “You could’a been. But you looked like you were waiting for salvation. It’s how mamma always looked when she ran out and had to buy. “

Roy doesn’t know how to respond to that, so all he does is lay a gentle hand on Jason’s shoulder before retreating out of his personal space.

His hands aren’t steady, the itch hasn’t fully gone away, but he can think again.

In the morning the bottles are nowhere to be seen. Jason doesn’t say anything and if Roy starts buying more of that shitty tea Jason liked so much, and making sure they always have some on board, well, none of them were gonna say anything about that.

**Author's Note:**

> I wasn't _gonna_ do whumptober, and now I guess I am lmao. I'm like 9 days behind now rip.
> 
> I've never written Roy before so I hope I did okay.
> 
> [writing tumblr](https://rose-blooms-red.tumblr.com) and [main tumblr](https://themessofthecentury.tumblr.com)


End file.
